Finding Your Purpose

Boy did I have one of those days.  I have been working in public service for thirteen years-and it’s damn hard.

Between managing the ever growing caseload, to making my numbers, to getting seventeen different answers to the same question, to juggling phone calls from those in society with the most difficult situations, it’s a job that takes strength and endurance.  Sometimes I feel like it sucks the marrow from my bones.

I commute two full hours a day and with the snow in Utah, I get stuck on the roads coming and going many times each winter.  It leaves a lot of time for contemplation.  Sometimes too much time.

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I have found myself wondering a lot these days about my purpose on this earth.  I have worked so hard to get where I am and yet I am not really anywhere am I?  I have this thought on too many days.

Tonight I came home close to tears.  The last few weeks have been a challenge and I am not that good at seeing endings to hard times.  I was making dinner and thumbing through Pinterest on my phone to pass the time.  I came across an article called, “How to find God’s will for your life” from a blog called Lifeingrace.com.  http://lifeingraceblog.com.  I wasn’t expecting it to, but it hit home.

This lady explained that she too, wondered what her life was supposed to be about.  She spent a lot of time worrying that she made the wrong choices.  She went on to explain that she changed her mind about this. 

She said God’s will for her life is to “be His hands and feet working on this earth”.  She said that preparing food for her family, washing their clothes, helping her children, was the work of God.

If this is the truth, I do indeed have purpose.

I have struggled with faith in my life.  Even when things are going well for me, I think of others’ pain.  I often chastise myself for being so weak and weary from my problems, when others are hurt, facing death, or true loneliness.  I wonder, “Where is God”?

I still deal with this struggle.  However, this lady that found purpose in her daily work, really made me think.  She said that I don’t have to do anything big.  I don’t have to find a big break, I don’t have to be a martyr.  What I have a chance to do is be great in the small everyday things and that God will remember that I made my kids hamburgers, took them to Disneyland, and sung them to sleep at night when they were babies.

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I think of my beautiful children.  They are these exquisite beings will all of my good parts and none of my flaws.  I want one thing and one thing only for them in this life and that is to be well-adjusted, happy, and fulfilled. 

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Do I care if they are doctors or lawyers?  Nope.  Do I care if they get discovered for a rare talent or become famous?  Couldn’t care less.  I want them to love their lives.  I will be so proud of them if they find contentment in life because, you know what?  It is one of the hardest things to do in this world.

I think of my husband and how he needs me to listen to him at night and how he understands me in every single way even when I don’t say a word. 

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I think of my sweet friends who accept me with all my faults and care what I have to say and what I feel in my heart.

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I think about how when one of my customers call me at work and I am terribly busy, I haven’t made my quota, and one of the doctors just yelled at me, that I spoke to them with empathy and I assured them I was taking care of their case.  I speak to them like they matter, because they do. 

I realize as I contemplate these things, that maybe I do make some small difference.  I may not be “somebody”, but do care about people.  I have sensitivity in my daily life.  I have acceptance for people.

I used to think when I was younger that how much money I made, my title, and the size of jeans I wore was important.  And on days like today, I catch myself worrying about this nonsense. 

I’m so thankful that I picked up my phone and was curious about that tag line “How to find God’s Will for my life”.   It gives me hope for a better day and yet makes me realize that today wasn’t so bad after all.

I am once again tapped on the shoulder by the universe and reminded that I am a believer of the celebration of life because it’s just such a great and wonderful thing just to be here to try, to stumble, and to get it right once in a while.

I’m going to go upstairs now and sit with my kids and read them a story.  I am going to carve out a few minutes to talk to my husband.  I am going to take a second to message my friend and make sure she got home from work ok.

I have God’s work to do.  I am His hands and feet on this earth-and so are you.

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Shauna

Comments

  1. I just love this! You are a beautiful writer

    • That means a lot coming from the best writer I know. Thank you very much for being one of the people that reminds my what life is all about :)

  2. This is by far your best work. What a beautiful way to address this subject and pay tribute to your family. You truly have a beautiful spirit inside and out. The love you show your family and others is to be admired. You are right, it is the small things that matter, the everyday things we do that make a difference. A difference in others lives, but also a difference in our own.
    Love you.

    • “Thank you” doesn’t seem like enough to say for such a nice compliment, Rosann. Thank you so much for being a wonderful Grandma to my kids and such a support in my life. I love you very much!

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